Bittersweet
by Jobrill
Summary: After the War, Orihime moves on, but echoes of the past still ring in her mind. 5 years later, a discovery in Soul Society gives her a chance to find closure once and for all.


**I.**

The aftermath of the Battle for the Key was strangely calm. Tomorrow would come the need to appoint a new first squad captain and sort out the true meaning of Aizen Sousuke's last words, but for now, the protection squads rushed about, not in giddy fashion nor a panicked fashion, cleaning the battle area and ministering to the wounded and dead. Orihime sat by herself at the side of Ishida-kun. She'd healed him, but his wounds were serious enough that he would still need rest, and so he had dropped into a peaceful sleep.

She found herself strangely drawn to his face. It seemed like Ishida-kun was always so intense and majestic, like a prince or a Samurai, whether he was in battle or sewing or studying or anything else, but in sleep, he looked peaceful. She remembered what he had said to her, after he'd shielded her. That he had found out what he needed to protect. She couldn't help but wonder what he'd discovered, and if it had been what made his face so peaceful. Maybe she'd ask him when he woke up.

Looking up across the battlefield, she noticed Kurosaki-kun -- Ichigo -- looking vaguely uncomfortable as he knelt by the side of the wounded but still lucid Kuchiki-taicho, recieving a thorough interrigation, although his face still lit up whenever he looked at the woman kneeling on the other side of the taicho. Orihime was truly happy for Rukia and Ichigo, she truly was. After all, Rukia had been the one who stopped Ichigo's hollow once and for all. She had been the one to save him again. But now, Orihime felt no shame or jealousy at admitting this. After all, didn't all of their hearts beat as one? Were not they bound by bonds so tight that romance was not needed?

As she let her gaze drift again, she could not help but think of those who were not there. Grimmjow would never roar again, and despite how rough he was, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She thought he was just angry, but she wondered if he might have had a chance. She wonder if Ichigo would have turned out a lot like Grimmjow if he hadn't had everyone's help to fight his hollow.

And then there was Ulquiorra, her jailer. Her jailer, but also her only real friend in Hueco Mundo. He listened to her. He didn't always understand, but he listened - and, Orihime thought, he wanted to understand. More than any of them, he really, truly, wanted to find his heart again. Even at the end, when he had asked if he could find her heart by ripping her open, he'd still protected Lolly and Menoly and her from Ichigo's reckless attacks. He was trying, even up to the end, to find his heart. And now he wouldn't find it ever again. Her gaze shifted to the dome where he had met his end at the hands of the Hollow that nearly consumed Ichigo.

"It's not as bad as it looks, Orihime-chan," said a voice. Shaken from her reverie, she turned her head and saw Matsumoto-san, relatively unscathed except for slightly ruffled hair and a few dark stains on her scarf, walk over to sit down beside her.

"What do you mean, Matsumoto-san?"

"The Universe, I mean. It's not as bad as it looks."

"Well, sometimes it's a little scary, especially places like Hueco Mundo and how Hollows can eat poor innocent people, but we defeated them, right?"

Matsumoto smile and pulled Orihime to her side, gently cradling her on her breast, "Oh, I wish it were that simple, Orihime-chan. I don't think the Hollows will ever really be defeated until Human nature is changed for good. But you know, even the Quincys can't really destroy it. They send it outside of time for a long time, long enough for us that it seems like forever, but they don't destroy it. The Hollows don't either."

"I'm sort of glad to hear that, Matsumoto-san. Ishida-kun's always been very kind, even if some of the other girls say he's scary, and I don't think he'd ever really hurt someone like that. Do you know he even disabled a lot of people who were trying to hurt us instead of killing them? I think he's very considerate and kind that way."

Matsumoto smiled, "Well, What I mean is the Arrancar. Some of them were nothing but evil. They chose to eat and hurt and hate, and they'll go to hell. But you know, some of them weren't all that bad. You can't blame someone for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The universe takes that into account, you know."

Understanding dawned in Orihime's eyes, "So you mean, people like..."

"Well, It's possible. Of course, Soul Society's a huge place. They might not remember too much of their old life, and we'd have a hard time finding them, but sometimes it's good enough just knowing that those you love might have lived on, isn't it?"

Orihime nodded and smiled sadly, "Yes, but don't you wish we could talk to them, and tell them that we know its not their fault, and that we still love them?"

Matsumoto smiled, "Well, maybe, but that's why you have to work hard, so you have the chance to tell them some day. But anyway, you can't dwell on the past too much. The Universe isn't that bad, but it isn't that good either. But it does give us others who need us, others we love just as much as the ones we lost. Even if it's hard for us to admit."

Orihime noticed that Matsumo's gaze was fixed, and followed it to see Hitsugaya-taicho clutching a deep gash in his side with one hand as he tried to wave away a 4th squad Shinigami, pointing her toward another group of injured Shinigami.

"Speaking of which, I have a stubborn Taicho who needs someone to teach him some sense. You take care of your pretty boy too, Orihime-chan. I think he's cute."

Orihime, for reasons she could not quite articulate, felt heat rising to her cheeks as words refused to form on her lips. She looked at Matsumoto, then down at Ishida-kun, and blinked. Matsumoto laughed quietly as she stood up and drifted across the battlefield, calling sweetly for her Taicho.

For some reason, it felt right to Orihime to lay her hand on Ishida's brow, then lay it on his hand. They both had such brilliant black hair, and such hands, hands that somehow were strong and delicate at the same time. Strong enough to hold a bow, graceful enough to thread a needle. Strong enough to destroy, graceful enough to create.

Orihime vowed to find Soifon-taicho before everyone left to return to their proper planes of existence. She had a favor to ask.

**II. **

The Black Butterfly flew into the open window of the bedroom, to alight on the nose of Orihime Ishida as she slept. The tickling of the Butterfly's feelers awoke her, and her eyes leapt open. As the black wings took flight again, Orihime sat up, and turned to her husband, who likewise had risen. The two seemed to exchange a few low words, The husband's forceful but with a tinge of worry, but the wife's calm and gentle. Finally, it seemed Uryuu Ishida aquiesced, and after a kiss, watched his wife rise from their bed, quickly remove her nearly translucent nightgown and change into a light summer dress, and follow the butterly through the bedroom door and into their living room.

Kneeling on the floor were two members of Seretei's Mobile covert Ops division.

"Ishida-sama! Soifon-taicho has discovered the information you requested. We are here to take you to Soul Society so she can brief you."

Orihime's lips pursed in thought, and a somewhat worried glimmer came to her eyes, but after a second she brightened, and nodded with a smile, "Thank you. I am ready."

The Door to Soul Society opened, and she walked through it, flanked by Soifon's men, accompanied by the sound of flapping black wings.

***

"We are certain it is him. He even keeps the same name, and he looks the same as well, aside from the lack of a hollow hole or mask. Even the eye markings remain. We assume those may have been tattoos or marks from when he was last a living soul," explained Soifon as they walked through the countryside surrounding Rukongai.

"When did he get here?" Asked Orihime.

"It would have been when he was killed, five years ago. Certainly, there were many Arrancar whose souls were corrupted enough to go to hell immediately. Those, we knew of," explained Soifon, "because the opening of the gates of hell create unmistakable spirit signals that our stations record without fail. However, for those who simply came to Soul Society, it is difficult for us to track them. The place they go within Soul Society is either random, or unchoosable by us, and with so many districts, we rarely choose to keep track of where a person goes. The only reason we even found him among all the dead was likely due to the innate power in his soul. His Reiatsu is considerable, or else he would never have climbed so high in the ranks of the Arrancar."

A small path set with smooth river stones led up to a small house. An open screen showed an empty room, but from behind the house came a rythmic sound - Swish, Swish, Swish.

"He is around the back. Do you wish me to accompany you, Ishida-sama?" Soifon asked.

"No, It's alright. I'd like to see him alone," replied Orihime with a slight smile.

"Of course. I will stand watch here. Shout if you need me," answered the captain.

"I don't think I will. Not with him," answered Orihime. She made her around the side of the house, and stepped into a small fenced garden at the back. The clack of the shishi odishi and the bubbling of a small rock waterfall joined the swishing sound from before.

The first thing she noticed was the lilies. They hung over the water of the reflecting pool, brilliant white with touches of gold. at the center. Standing before the pool stood a man whom Orihime recognized well. He was dressed in a white and blue Hakama, not as fine as the clothes she last saw him in, simple and rustic, but well made and well kept. His skin was pale, but not as pale as she had last seen it. No helmet of horned bone covered his black hair, but it was the same brilliant black as she had last seen. He held in his hand not a bladed Zanpaktou, but a Blade of Bamboo, which he raised and then bought down with a quick motion, over and over again, stepping back and forth, perfect measured steps, in a perfect Kendo stance -- That was the swishing sound Orihime had heard. He was facing to the side, back to his house, staring over the pool, past the garden and over the small fence of his backyard, out to the larger fields beyond.

He seemed to sense Orihime, and lowered his sword, turning to her and bowing slightly.

"Good Morning," He said in a formal manner, Orihime found himself taken aback. This was Ulquiorra, she could feel it now. The look and the voice was the same. But the despair she had often detected behind it, the rockhard stoniness, had somehow lessened. Now when he spoke with that emotionless tone, it seemed a question more a tranquil soul, instead of one that had closed itself away.

"Good Morning..." She answered, then trailed off, trying to figure out what she should say. This was the Ulquiorra Schiffer she knew. The one who was her warden, but always felt as much a prisoner in Heuco Mundo as she. Somehow, she knew it. And yet somehow, here he was living a peaceful life in Soul Society, no longer a lieutenant of a mad god.

"Forgive me, Lady, but do I know you? You evoke a nostalgic feeling in me, but I cannot place it,"

"I am not sure I should answer that, forgive me, Ulquior-," She said with a bow, then stood bolt upright, eyes wide and hand over her mouth as she realized what she had just given away.

"Hm. Is there something wrong, Lady?"

"Orihime! Pl-please call me Orihime! No, no, no! I just heard your name from... someone," She squeaked.

"Ah," He said, seeming to accept the declaration at face value. He stuck the bamboo blade through his belt and walked toward his back porch.

"I was about to make some tea. Would you care to join me, Orihime-san?" He said, still with the monotone voice that was both like and unlike the one he had addressws her with when he was her jailkeeper.

"Y... Yes, I think I'd like that," she stuttered. As Ulquiorra disappeared into his house, she sat down lightly on the porch and looked over the garden. Somehow, it seemed to suit Ulquiorra. It was not overly elaborate, just a well-tended garden, perfect for meditation. She was still staring at garden when Ulquiorra appeared at her side, carrying a tray with a teapot and two cups, and a small bowl full of cucumber slices.

"The vegetables," he said as he sat beside her and began pouring the tea, "are a gift from my one of my neighbors. Please, have some."

"Thank you," she said, still feeling unexplainedly ill at ease.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Orihime-san?" He asked.

"Oh!" She said, blinking at him like a deer in headlights, "I just wanted to know... how you were doing."

Ulquiorra looked her quizzically, "It seems a strange question for a woman I have just met to ask me -- yet I believe we have met before, even if you deny it."

Orihime shook her head and smiled softly, "I'm sorry, Ulquiorra-san. I'm just not sure how much I should say. You seem peaceful now. Maybe I shouldn't have come. I don't want to harm you..."

But she made no move to leave. Ulquiorra looked at her in silence for a second.

"Then you did know me," He said, in a tone that evoked no malice, no wistfulness, no curiousity, but that just was. Then, unbidden, he countinued, "I have dreams about it nearly every night. I lived in a place devoid of color and life. There was long bouts of crushing silence punctuated by bursts of incredible violence. All creatures existed there only as predator or prey. I get the impression I was one of the predators. I thought perhaps that you were one of my victims, returned to give me what I deserved for the barbarity I caused. I would deserve it."

"No... That's not true, Ulquiorra-san!" She said, and it seemed as if she burst into life now, eyes flaming with determination. Ulquiorra's eyes widened slightly as he looked at the sudden transformation of the meek girl to the lionness.

"Please..." She said, calming a bit. Suddenly, impulsively she sat her teacup down and grabbed Ulquiorra's hands, cradling them in her own, "Don't think badly of yourself. You had to do some things to survive, but you were always different from them. You promised me you would not harm me, and you didn't. I know that, if things had been different, maybe we could have saved you, Ulquiorra. You of everyone there, you were just hurt. You were just given a bad lot. But you're better now, and now that you're here, I know you'll survive, Ulquiorra-san! I know you'll be a good person. You are a good person! You are..."

"If you say I am, Lady," Answered Ulquiorra, "for some reason, I can believe you. Yet, for some reason, I feel a great weight of shame upon me."

"But even if you -- you changed, Ulquiorra-san! You know... My brother -- he became a Hollow too, and he tried to kill me, at first. But he remembered his heart. He did, because he was good. He was the best brother I could have ever had. And I know you're the same as him, Ulquiorra. You found your heart, and you shouldn't think you can't be forgiven, because you can. You shouldn't be shameful!"

"Orihime-san, why did you come visit me?" Ulquiorra said, and for the first time, his voice felt tinged with something akin to sadness, "I do not get the impression I was kind to you."

"But you were," She said, her small hands still clasped around his, "You were. You were worried about my health, and you protected me from some of the others, and you -- you were just looking for a heart. All that time you were in pain because all you could do was your duty, no matter how much it bothered you. But I could tell. I think I could tell from the beginning. You were always good, Ulquiorra-san. You just lost your way. I'm glad... I'm very glad you've found it. I wanted to make sure you were alright, Ulquiorra-san. I wanted to make sure you were OK, because you're an important person to me, Ulquiorra-san!"

for a moment, it seemed Ulquiorra was caught in some sort of spell. He spoke not a word, but looked at the familiar but alien woman before him. The sound of hurried feet at the back gate snapped him out of his reverie, and he rose. A man and woman rushed came into view. The man held a little girl who hung limply in his arms, no more than six or seven years old by her appearance. Her long black hair was matted to her face with sweat, and blood ran down her arm and leg.

"Schiffer-san! She was playing and she fell... she was playing and she fell off a cliff..." The man stammered.

Ulquiorra leaped up and threw open the door into his house, dragging a futon out from somewhere.

"Lay her down here," He commanded the man, gesturing to the futon as he knelt beside it. Reflexively, Orihime's hands went to her temples, but then she saw Ulquiorra's eyes. His face had always stayed a wall, but his eyes were expressive. They spoke of concern and of determination and of compassion. The former 4th Espada was a man of compassion. Her hands went back to her lap, and instead she watched him as he laid his hands on the girls chest, hands glowing with a subtle light.

**III.**

He worked up and down her body, swiftly but methodically, and where he his hand passed and light shown, he mended bones and staunched bleeding. At the end, he took her hand in his own, laid the other hand upon her brow, and spoke, "Child, arise."

The child's eyes, large and brown, sprang open, and she rose to a sitting position, still holding Ulquiorra's hand. The man and woman behind her broke her smiles of relief, and the woman began to cry.

"Ulquiorra-nii-san!" The girl said with a smile, "Did I fall down again?"

"Yes, Sakura, you did. You should remember what I told you about climbing strange trees when no-one else is watching."

"I'm sorry, Ulquiorra-nii-san," She said, and looked chastised, but only for a minute. She grinned again and looked up at him, "Can I come play in your garden tomorrow?"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded, "You are, of course, always welcome, Sakura. But you must promise me that you will be a good girl and rest for the rest of today."

"I will!" The girl beamed happily.

"Schiffer-san! I can't thank you enough! I just turned my head for a moment, and she fell, and I thought..." The man knelt before Ulquiorra, head touching the Tatami mats.

"Raise yourself, Hiro-san," said Ulquiorra, "and take her home. Let her rest."

***

Ulquiorra saw the family to the garden gate, the girl now perched in her father's arms with her arms around his neck, smiling and laughing as if she had not been barely clinging to life less than an hour before. Orihime noticed that Ulquiorra himself never smiled or laughed, but he was always gentle and considerate, and the family had no fear around him -- no, instead, they respected him, maybe even saw him as a friend.

"I am sorry. Our tea is likely cold by now," said Ulquiorra as he came to sit down by Orihime again.

"No... No, that's alright," Said Orihime, and smiled, "I'm glad to see you doing so well, Ulquiorra-san."

"Sakura is a beautiful child, is she not?" Ulquiorra asked. His voice did betray fondness, or distaste. He simply asked the question. Orihime found herself strangely unsettled.

"Yes... Yes she is. Isn't it wonderful, Ulquiorra-san, that you were here to save her?" Orihime responded.

"Sometimes, when I look at her, I see the darkness. It is as if there is a black demon clawing at my soul. I heal, but something in the back of my head tells me to harm. Something tells me to feast," again Ulquiorra spoke, facts and details, not sounding perturbed - or maybe there was a slight tremor in his voice, a catch in his throat.

Orihime blinked once or twice and shook her head, "Ulquiorra-san, you can fight it! I know you can. You're good, aren't you? You fight it every day! Everyone loves you, and you're so peaceful, and oh Ulquiorra-san, I just know you can!"

It was Ulquiorra's turn to look non-plused and to blink his eyelids slowly and heavily, like an owl, "This demon that grips me is not so easily vanquished, Orihime-san. I had a dream last night that it rose from me when I slept, and went out to torment the people of the countryside. It took much joy in this, and I could watch only helplessly."

"But that was just a dream, Ulquiorra-san, wasn't it? I know you'd take up that sword and fight any dragon that threatened everybody, Ulquiorra-san! Aren't you just like a Samurai now?"

"I do not know if it was just a dream, Orihime-san," Answered Ulquiorra," If it is not, Then I must fight the demon. But yet, the demon is a part of me. To vanquish it, it may be that I must vanquish myself. It is for this reason that I have decided to choose reincarnation."

"Ulquiorra," began Orihime, hesitantly, but with increasingly forcefulness, "If you want, I could talk to the 4th squad. Maybe Unohana-taicho could-"

"Orihime-san, you humble and honor me with your offering, but I think I have made up my mind. If I am to protect the people of the countryside, I must remove the demon for good. I was nearly convinced of that by this morning, and I made up my mind when I saw Sakura."

"It is strange to me," he continued. "I see this world, I see the afterlife. Children come to my garden and play within it. People bring me their sick, and I heal them. But yet, I am unsure of myself, and my place here. I see that the sun is majestic, and grass is green, and flowers are beautiful. Yet, there is something dark in my heart. I feel as if I could crush them. As if the world is Trivial, as I thought. I think that I have not yet shed the darkness that is my heart."

It is for this reason that I am considering reincarnation. I am sure there is a Beautiful World. I am sure there is meaning, somehow, in this world and the other world, and all who live in it. Yet the darkness remains. If I give myself up for reincarnation, if I die and am born again, perhaps I will recieve a more gentle life than the one I had before. Perhaps I will be able to return to this place with my heart truly full, so that I may work in earnest to heal and to serve."

Orihime smiled sadly, "I wanted to see you again, Ulquiorra-san, but I can tell you want this. We have to be parted again."

Ulquiorra looked at Orihime, "Orihime-san, I wish I remembered more of you. What I do remember are bright flashes in a world of grey. I am glad you visited me. I am not sure I deserve a good life in my reincarnation, but because of you, I will feel no shame to pray for one before I submit myself to the flow of the life stream. You make me believe that I will defeat this demon. But I must first find myself. I must find a self who truly has the strength to vanquish it for good."

**IV. **

They finished their tea, and Ulquiorra escorted Orihime to the garden gate. She turned to look at him, and he spoke.

"Even if I reincarnate, Orihime-san, I am sure I will not forget you. My heart..." He paused for a moment, as if tasting the words, a look of wonder on his face, as if in amazement that he could finally claim to have such an organ, "my heart will never let me forget all that you have done for me."

She smiled and gathered him into her arms, giving him a long, warm hug, then turned away, walking down the path and around the corner of the house.

***

"Is there any way you can be sure... that his next life is good?" Orihime asked as she walked back toward Seretei with Soifon.

"Even the Shinigami cannot control that, Orihime-sama."

***

A year past, and Orihime bore a son. Everyone remarked that he had a full head of brilliant black hair, so obviously his father's child. But when he opened his eyes and they shone a brilliant green, Orihime saw something else reflected in them, and she pondered them in her heart. The child grew in power and grace.

He was a quiet and introspective child, but his parents surrounded him with love and caring, and though he sometimes had inexplicable nightmares of desert wastes populated by bone-white monsters with holes in their chest, he grew up with family and friends and grew in stature and grace and kindness.

He inherited the hospital and the mantle of Quincy from his father, but he shunned the bow, because, he said, there was too much of destruction in it. When he died, he became a Shinigami like his parents, of the 4th division, like his mother, and he lived in a country house outside the boundaries of Seretei, so that he could be of help to the people of Rukongai. He grew lilies, and his family and friends were always welcome, and children played in his garden.

_fin._

* * *

**Author's Note: **I've been working and tweaking and coming back to this story in fits and starts for probably half a year. It's kept the same basic form, but the ideas and themes have changed somewhat. I finally decided that if I just kept tweaking it forever, I'd never be satisfied, so I thought I'd try putting it out there in the current form, which I think is alright. I hope you enjoyed, and I'd appreciate constructive feedback in the reviews.


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